Pope admits to have been “faking mass” for years.

THE DAILY GUANO

POPE ADMITS TO HAVE BEEN “FAKING MASS” FOR YEARS!

The news comes as Pope Francis announces he is auditioning for lead in a remake of the children's classic "Home Alone".

The news comes as Pope Francis announces he is auditioning for the lead role in a remake of the children’s classic “Home Alone”.

Pope Francis has recently admitted, in an interview with Hello! magazine, that for the past 16 years he has been “faking mass”.

“To be honest,” said the Pope, in the stark interview, “the excitement had gone from the relationship a long time ago, and I found myself just going through the paces. It’s not that I don’t love the congregation. They were doing their best, and I didn’t want to disappoint them, but it was the only way I could bring the whole lackluster affair to a conclusion most of the time.”

The Lord’s representative on Earth went on to say, “There were many reasons why I would fake it, though. Sometimes it was because I was tired and I just wanted it to be over. Other times I’d been at the communion wine before hand, and would just get lost in the moment and the theatrics. Most of the time though, I really liked them and didn’t want them to feel like they were doing anything wrong, so I would just fake it to make them happy.”

The Pope further defended his actions, stating, “I’m on old man. I couldn’t be expected to perform every time the congregation needed their fix. After a while, it became habit. But, quite frankly, I’m amazed I even have the energy to fake it. And I’ll bet the congregation wouldn’t be able to tell the difference anyway.”

The latest news has sent shock waves through the Catholic church, with many congregations asking themselves if their priest has been faking it all this time as well.

A spokesperson for the Vatican flipped me the bird when I asked them to comment on the matter.

Have you had liturgical problems with your religious leaders? Look out next week for 10 ways to spot if your priest is faking mass….

Advertisements

Tags: ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Jack Flacco

THE OFFICIAL SITE

Dark Sky Diary

In Pursuit of Darkness

Me on the net

Philosophy, cooking and general speculation.

Drexus

Cognition incarnate, a responsibility.

Dream, Play, Write!

Today, make a commitment to your writing.

cancer killing recipe

Just another WordPress.com site

The Sensuous Curmudgeon

Conserving the Enlightenment values of reason, liberty, science, and free enterprise.

Science Matters

Publications, Reviews, Articles and Musings on Science in Ireland

Seemed Like Good Science at the Time

Mistakes make good science.

Why? Because Science.

Combating Stupidity Since 2012

The Full Metal Osprey

My little corner of the Internet where I write things

Life Through A Mathematician's Eyes

The study of mathematics is like air or water to our technological society.

Mahrai Ziller

Musings and fictions of a world, somewhere.

Dead Wild Roses

Canadian cogitations about politics, social issues, and science. Vituperation optional.

AstroNews

AstroNews is an astronomy and spaceflight-related website providing the latest news and information from around the world.

Science Springs

Dedicated to spreading the Good News of Basic and Applied Science at great research institutions world wide. Good science is a collaborative process.

looking for bees

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."

MMU Research and Knowledge Exchange Blog

Funding opportunities, news and guidance from RKE at Manchester Metropolitan University

%d bloggers like this: