46% of Americans believe that Earth is a conspiracy.



Does the Earth really exist? A new poll suggests almost half of Americans are thick as pigshit.

Does the Earth really exist? A new poll suggests almost half of Americans are thick as pigshit.

A recent poll by Anderssonanderssonsanderssonandersson & son has discovered that around 46% of US citizens believe that the Earth is a lie, and its existence is part of a global conspiracy designed to make people pay taxes to a communist gay Jewish secret society.

One participant on the poll said, “I just don’t believe that the Earth exists. Nobody has ever given me any evidence for it. Every photo taken on Earth is obviously fake and Photoshopped. It’s a NASA conspiracy to make everyone gay.”

Another person argued, “If the Earth existed, then why can’t I see it through my telescope?”

Yet another stated, “If you take the number of letters in the word “Earth”, multiply it by the number of degrees in a circle, divide it by the number of letters in the word “gay”, add the number of letters in “NASA” multiplied by the number of letters in the word “tax” multiplied by the number of letters in the word “world”, and then add the number of letters in the word “Jewish”, you get 666. Is that a coincidence? I don’t think so!”

Republican presidential hopeful, Ted Cruz, responded to the recent poll saying, “I think it’s important that we teach both sides of the argument in our schools. I just don’t think the evidence is in yet, and it’s important that we foster debate on the subject.”

In response to Ted Cruz’s statement, a senior source at NASA instantly swallowed a lethal dose of sleeping pills declaring that they didn’t want to live on this planet anymore, and couldn’t understand why anyone would think Senator Cruz could be trusted to tie his shoe laces without strangling himself to death, let alone preside over the Select Committee overseeing the world’s premiere space agency.

Speaking about why so many people have a problem with reality, leading cognitive scientist, Stephan Lewandowsky, said, “What can I say? Some people are just complete morons.”

When asked to comment on the recent poll, a spokesperson for the White House had a heart attack and collapsed, screaming “I just can’t work with these idiots anymore!”


Tags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Jack Flacco

Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)

Dark Sky Diary

In Pursuit of Darkness

Me on the net

Philosophy, cooking and general speculation.


Cognition incarnate, a responsibility.

Dream, Play, Write!

Today, make a commitment to your writing.

cancer killing recipe

Just another WordPress.com site

The Sensuous Curmudgeon

Conserving the Enlightenment values of reason, liberty, science, and free enterprise.

Science Matters

Publications, Reviews, Articles and Musings on Science in Ireland

Seemed Like Good Science at the Time

Mistakes make good science.

Why? Because Science.

Combating Stupidity Since 2012

The Full Metal Osprey

My little corner of the Internet where I write things

Life Through A Mathematician's Eyes

The study of mathematics is like air or water to our technological society.

Mahrai Ziller

Musings and fictions of a world, somewhere.

Dead Wild Roses

Canadian cogitations about politics, social issues, and science. Vituperation optional.


AstroNews is an astronomy and spaceflight-related website providing the latest news and information from around the world.


Dedicated to spreading the Good News of Basic and Applied Science at great research institutions world wide. Good science is a collaborative process.

looking for bees

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."

MMU Research and Knowledge Exchange Blog

Funding opportunities, news and guidance from RKE at Manchester Metropolitan University

%d bloggers like this: