Nigel Farage blames left-wing media for not announcing his election victory.
THE DAILY GUANO
NIGEL FARAGE BLAMES THE UK’S BIASED LEFT-WING MEDIA FOR NOT ANNOUNCING HIS PARTY’S STUNNING ELECTION VICTORY
As polls came in thick and fast last night, showing a landslide victory for everyone who wasn’t a UKIP candidate, Nigel
Far Right Farage laid into the entire media industry of the UK for it’s blatant left-wing bias in not pronouncing him the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
After being laughed out of the counting hall, Mr
Fat Rage Farage was seen mumbling to himself, shouting “Commie scum!” at anyone with a camera, and occasionally screaming at a passing cat.
Gathering his supporters in a nearby hotel, Mr
Fartage Farage finally came out to speak to reporters, saying “I just can’t f***ing believe you lot! I’ve clearly won this election, and yet you keep spreading your left wing lies to the British people. You must all be immigrants.”
When asked why the election results clearly showed that the vast majority of people in the UK didn’t even vote for Mr
Fistage Farage’s mob of brown shirts and racist simpletons political party, he said, “Well of course you’d tell people we didn’t win the election, because you hate white people and love immigrants coming over here and having sex with your jobs!”
Unable to accept the fact that he clearly didn’t win the election, and adamant that he had been elected into the country’s highest high office, he continued, “It’s all this left-wing, hippie bias in the BBC. I’m your f***ing Prime Minister, you simpering ingrates! ME! Worship me! Get on your knees and bow to your fuehrer!”
After which he began spasming wildly and foaming at the mouth, and had to be restrained from trying to bite an old lady walking past in the street.
We asked people in South Thanet and across the country why they didn’t vote for UKIP, and every single one of them said they couldn’t vote for someone who looked like they’d been kicked out of the muppets for inciting racial hatred.
We tried to contact a spokesperson for UKIP to comment on the result and Mr
Garbage Farage’s mental state, but they all just started goosestepping and throwing Nazi salutes everywhere.